My teenage son just helped me purge our cupboards. We got rid of anything with high fat, high sodium, or high sugars (not like fruit, but processed sugars). We went through the cupboards, fridge, and freezer. We got rid of 7 bags of food. It was hard and at one point I said, "We should save this stuff and give it to a food bank", but my son is wise beyond his years and he said, "If we keep it, we won't donate it, we'll just eat it, or put it back in our cupboards." He is right. That's exactly what we would do. I had to tell myself that it was no different than throwing it down my throat and into my body, in which case it would be gone and not help anyone else, but that in this way it is healthier. We filled up our huge wheeled garbage can and took it to the curb to be picked up in the morning.
I wouldn't have been so ruthless without his help. I would have probably kept half of it. I did keep 4 cake mixes and 2 brownie mixes, but I'm not too worried about them as I don't bake much. I figure we have Rocky's b-day next week and will make a cake for that and then we will hang on to the rest for church parties. I'm on the activity committee and am often asked to bring a tray of brownies or something like that.
We didn't do the canned food cupboard, cause we forgot. It will have a lot to throw away - popcorn, creamed soup mixes, etc... We may save a few items in food storage, but most will be tossed. We have canned veggies, but I think I will keep them and rinse them well before eating. Not perfect, but not a total waste either.
Austin is very supportive of my goals to eat healthier. He even said he'd try to switch to a milk substitute. I am so glad to have his support. I hope that following this diet will help me feel better quickly!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Scary Confession
I think I have diabetes.
I haven't told anyone because, well, I don't know for sure and I don't want to be judged, scolded, or given directions. In December of 2008 I had some blood work done, it came back showing that I had elevated fat levels in my blood - Hyperlipidemia. I had mildly elevated cholesterol, 203 (normal is 100-199), slightly elevated triglycerides, 153 (normal is 0-149), and was at the low end of HDL cholesterol, 39 (normal is greater than 39), and high LDL cholesterol, 133 (normal is 0-99). No indications of pre-diabetes though.
The reasons I think I might have diabetes though are: 1) I am more than 100 lbs overweight. 2) I have been experiencing very frequent urination, sometimes multiple times in an hour. 3) I have been extra thirsty (of course it's been 95 degrees too). 4) I have had really excessive fatigue, beyond my normal laziness. And lastly, but most imporantly, I've been having some bouts with severe blurry vision. Sometimes it's so bad I can't even read my computer screen unless I increase the zoom level to 150%. Lately the normal is 125%.
This worries me, because I don't have insurance. So 1) I don't want to go to the doctor because it will cost probably about $200 just to see doctor and have tests done. 2) If I'm right, then I will have ongoing doctor appts (regularly $112/visit), plus the cost of medications.
I am going to try to lose weight and reverse this by using the same vegan/nutritarian diet that my sisters are on. The thing is, I hate to cook, and it's all veggies. Lots of chopping, prepping, and cooking. ug! Also, I love food. I want to eat sushi, chocolate cake, and the occasional Big Mac.
I also realize, I'm going to have to be really diligent and honest with myself. I'm going to have to change not only my habits, but my entire life style... and that means forever. This is a whole new reality for me. Now I'm not just fat, 42 (43 in two weeks), single, broke, but now I also might have a serious disease that I could have prevented.
What if I don't have diabetes... well, according to the blood tests a year and a half ago, I'm at elevated risk for heart attack and stroke. So shouldn't I do this anyway? Hell, yes I should! I am going to have to remind myself all the time though, that this is serious, and I have to be dedicated to changing my life.
On Jillian Michael's show, Losing It, she asked a mom recently when the mom said she loved cigarettes, "Do you love your children more?" And immediately I thought, "Do I love my children more than I love food, sugar, and the anesthetic calm I get from comfort eating?" Yes. The answer is definately YES! I wish that made it easy. I know it will still be hard... but I have to remind myself that I love my kids more.
This is scary to me, but I don't want to tell anyone. I feel like it will be one of those things where they will say the right things but think, "Well, duh! What did she think would happen?" It kinda sucks.
Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the store to buy Kale and beans, and chard, and leeks and whatever else I need. I'll keep a posting on here about how I am doing.
I haven't told anyone because, well, I don't know for sure and I don't want to be judged, scolded, or given directions. In December of 2008 I had some blood work done, it came back showing that I had elevated fat levels in my blood - Hyperlipidemia. I had mildly elevated cholesterol, 203 (normal is 100-199), slightly elevated triglycerides, 153 (normal is 0-149), and was at the low end of HDL cholesterol, 39 (normal is greater than 39), and high LDL cholesterol, 133 (normal is 0-99). No indications of pre-diabetes though.
The reasons I think I might have diabetes though are: 1) I am more than 100 lbs overweight. 2) I have been experiencing very frequent urination, sometimes multiple times in an hour. 3) I have been extra thirsty (of course it's been 95 degrees too). 4) I have had really excessive fatigue, beyond my normal laziness. And lastly, but most imporantly, I've been having some bouts with severe blurry vision. Sometimes it's so bad I can't even read my computer screen unless I increase the zoom level to 150%. Lately the normal is 125%.
This worries me, because I don't have insurance. So 1) I don't want to go to the doctor because it will cost probably about $200 just to see doctor and have tests done. 2) If I'm right, then I will have ongoing doctor appts (regularly $112/visit), plus the cost of medications.
I am going to try to lose weight and reverse this by using the same vegan/nutritarian diet that my sisters are on. The thing is, I hate to cook, and it's all veggies. Lots of chopping, prepping, and cooking. ug! Also, I love food. I want to eat sushi, chocolate cake, and the occasional Big Mac.
I also realize, I'm going to have to be really diligent and honest with myself. I'm going to have to change not only my habits, but my entire life style... and that means forever. This is a whole new reality for me. Now I'm not just fat, 42 (43 in two weeks), single, broke, but now I also might have a serious disease that I could have prevented.
What if I don't have diabetes... well, according to the blood tests a year and a half ago, I'm at elevated risk for heart attack and stroke. So shouldn't I do this anyway? Hell, yes I should! I am going to have to remind myself all the time though, that this is serious, and I have to be dedicated to changing my life.
On Jillian Michael's show, Losing It, she asked a mom recently when the mom said she loved cigarettes, "Do you love your children more?" And immediately I thought, "Do I love my children more than I love food, sugar, and the anesthetic calm I get from comfort eating?" Yes. The answer is definately YES! I wish that made it easy. I know it will still be hard... but I have to remind myself that I love my kids more.
This is scary to me, but I don't want to tell anyone. I feel like it will be one of those things where they will say the right things but think, "Well, duh! What did she think would happen?" It kinda sucks.
Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the store to buy Kale and beans, and chard, and leeks and whatever else I need. I'll keep a posting on here about how I am doing.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Beneficial Lies?
Diet and Exercise. If there was ever a topic I lied to myself about it would be one or both of these. I mean I am honest when I say I don't like to exercise. And I am honest when I say I don't like to diet. But you know where I lie to myself... when I say, "I'm ready to make this change." I throw away the junk food and I buy tons of fruits and veggies and I check out books from the library. I exercise at a brisk pace for a whole hour and I really commit, and I follow it up with a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies with extra chocolate chips. Then the next day I have a slice of cream cheese... by itself. Go ahead, gag, it's gross. But for those of you who know, it's also very creamy and yummy (and guilt inducing and gross).
Am I lying? Should I really tell myself, "I am NOT ready to make this change. I am going to blow it tomorrow or even in three hours, and I am going to feel even worse about myself for blowing it."? Because if I tell myself the truth, I probably won't even begin the exercise program or eat the apple instead of the Oreos. Or perhaps, is this little self-delusion actually beneficial? Just think, if I lie to myself every single day, that could be the start of some real healthy habits. Every day I might do that one hour workout. I might eat the salad and oatmeal and blueberries. True, I might also eat the cookies and cream cheese, but the healthy stuff will have been the appetizer. Isn't that better than nothing?
Am I lying? Should I really tell myself, "I am NOT ready to make this change. I am going to blow it tomorrow or even in three hours, and I am going to feel even worse about myself for blowing it."? Because if I tell myself the truth, I probably won't even begin the exercise program or eat the apple instead of the Oreos. Or perhaps, is this little self-delusion actually beneficial? Just think, if I lie to myself every single day, that could be the start of some real healthy habits. Every day I might do that one hour workout. I might eat the salad and oatmeal and blueberries. True, I might also eat the cookies and cream cheese, but the healthy stuff will have been the appetizer. Isn't that better than nothing?
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