I have good days.

I haven't blogged in a long time.  I haven't known what to say, or what to share.  Perhaps I still don't, but today I felt like saying that life is getting better. 

It's been a long, and much too slow and painful process to get through the past 2 1/2 years.  There have been too many tear-filled days and nights.  There has been too much sadness and anxiety.  And it's not that I'd say those are completely absent from my life, but the ratio of bad to good has changed.

Last January found me crying in bed, unable (or unwilling) to get up and get through the day.  For every 10-12 days like that, I'd have one day that I felt functional.  I'd like to say that only was for a month, but in reality, it started when my dad died on Thanksgiving, and continued till about March or April.  Sometime in the spring I found the days were about 1/2 and 1/2.  And now, I'd say that for every 10-12 good days, I have one not so good day.  And even on the "bad" days, I can force myself up and at 'em, and just yesterday I started cleaning my office.  That is a big thing! 

The other day at work I was talking with an elderly woman who came in for some physical therapy.  I asked how she was doing and she responded, "Not very good."  She sounded depressed.  As we talked she continued along that vein and said, "I don't have good days anymore."  A lightbulb flashed in my mind and I recognized that despair.  I also determined that I never want to be there again.  I always want to be able to say that I have good days.

My good days begin with the recognition of what amazing kids I have been blessed with, and with a conversation with the Lord, thanking Him for my many blessings.  How greatful I am that my good days far outweigh the bad now!